In preparation for the midterm Wednesday, here’s a nearly pitch perfect example of news writing for you to read. Alan Finder, longtime New York Times education writer, has constructed a fine, clear piece about the changing landscape of college enrollment.
Now you might not think this is the most sexy topic in the world but read it and you’ll see how tight form and straight ahead language makes the story flow. This is a subject that millions of Americans face. The story demonstrates quite nicely how the nuts and bolts of good story structure can make a relatively esoteric subject very readable.
Finder is a classic newspaper reporter. He gets right to the point and keeps it simple. Notice the inverted pyramid. Strong lede right into a clear nutgraf followed by the lead quote. Then tightly packed grafs with seamless transitions. Notice how for the kicker Finder comes back to his first “character” in the story. He ties it up with a bow. Bingo.
This is a model piece of news writing. Read it and give me some feedback about how you think it works. Give me some examples of the elements of structure that you find in the piece – grafs, language, transitions, etc. Enjoy.
13 responses so far ↓
Caroline Stedman // March 9, 2008 at 5:16 pm
I really thought his use of numbers/statistics flowed very well in the story because they were not all bunched in a single graf or series. They were also simplified numbers, without a lot of mathematical lanuage that is usually found in actual studies (meaning he read the studies, understood them, and interpreted them for the reader).
His ‘kicker quote’ does add the perfect “bow” for the story.
Eric Van Dril // March 9, 2008 at 6:56 pm
Like it says in the set up for this piece above, this really does seem like a perfect use of the inverted pyramid.
I think the piece works very well, mostly because Finder does not focus on the numbers, but rather what they mean for the audience. By doing this, I thought the piece was very successful in what it set out to accomplish.
I also think that the reader can best detect solid use of transitions by not noticing them. With that being said, I didn’t notice any transitions throughout the piece, but rather it seemed that all the paragraphs presented throughout worked well with the grafs before and after.
One of the things that I’ve been most active in watching for to see what journalists do is to look at the length of their sentences. Up until this point it seemed to me that there was a lot of short followed by long sentences. But Finder seems to pack a lot of information in his sentences, which I like because that’s what I seem to do.
Morgan // March 9, 2008 at 9:56 pm
After reading this article the first thing that really caught my attention was the structure.
Finder takes the issue through the rungs. The inverted pyramid structure works really well for this piece.
He explains the situation, gives us a really specific example, takes the story to a broad level, and then brings us back to the specific example.
It all ties together beautifully.
I would agree that the numbers are definitely easier to comprehend in this piece. They are clear and concise and well spaced out.
Finder also did a nice job of analyzing the story from many angles. He interviewed multiple sources to come up with a well balanced piece.
Shane Ersland // March 9, 2008 at 11:05 pm
This piece gets right to the point, using numbers that don’t leave the reader confused. It’s easy to recognize who will benefit from the future changes in college admissions. I like how Finder describes prestigous organizations like Harvard going to lengths to get the lower-income students involved with their schools.
Sara Jones // March 10, 2008 at 2:53 am
I agree that this article has a great use of the inverted pyramid and everything flowed really well. I also like how Finder really made the readers realize how the issue affects them, so it made the article very personal. It was really well written.
Haley Metcalf // March 10, 2008 at 2:59 am
The lede was straight forward and set up the story nicely. He used the inverted pyramid structure which gave the piece a nice flow and made it easy for the reader to understand. I like the use of the graph showing the anticipated decrease in high school graduates. He used sources such as college deans, high school students and statistical research which gave a ‘whole’ perspective. His kicker was a quote from a high school graduate applying to colleges which tied the end back to the beginning
Ashton Newman // March 10, 2008 at 3:44 am
Finder’s piece uses a very simple and clean cut inverted pyramid format. The story entices the reader with quotes from many different sources. His quotes from graduating seniors gives the story an emotional appeal and allows the readers to understand the perspectives of the affected age group. Finder also quotes many university officials who present the pros and cons of the issue. The article captures the audience with a strong and appealing lede and then ends the story with a similar kicker that opens the story back up. Finder did a good job of writing an enticing but yet clear and simple story that presents all angles of the issue.
Amanda Bailey // March 10, 2008 at 3:52 am
I agree about the success of the inverted pyramid: the story flowed very nicely with a strong lede at the beginning, a nutgraf to follow, and then a kicker that tied everything back to the beginning. I especially liked the personal approach that Finder took in using Charlie Cotton, a hopeful college applicant. I also liked how Finder incorporated a variety of colleges to examine the effects that the impending decrease in the college frenzy. I think this helped to balance the story a little.
Mitch // March 10, 2008 at 1:28 pm
Definitely an easy article to read because of the inverted pyramid set-up (which is pretty easy to see in this instance.) Finder did his homework and told a great story, from a single-student focus with Cotton to a widespread view with individual institutions. The only question I have is what this decline in college applications will do to tuition? If college is like any other business, when the amount of product (in this case, students) goes down, price must neccessarily go up.
Molly // March 10, 2008 at 1:34 pm
He gets right to the point with his lede and follows it with a very well constructed nut graf that explains the story. He then follows it with a good lede quote and an example. The rest of the story flows very well. He also uses the rule of not using too many statistics in one graf. Even though there are many numbers throughout the piece he only uses a few in a graf at a time.
Sarah V. // March 10, 2008 at 1:45 pm
I think the lede in this article was great, mostly because the story allowed the author to include the ‘why’ in the beginning (It’s simply a matter of demographics).
As you mentioned, the structure was inverted very well- the grafs began with the most important ideas and ended with more detailed, not-so-pertinent pieces of information.
I think the sources used were great- very relevant for the story. Most were representatives from smaller schools, the ones that will be affected the most, but he also had a source from Harvard, which tied together how this change will affect all schools.
I also really liked how the author used Charlie Cotton at the beginning of the story, and then tied him in again at the end. This made for a great kicker, which was able to make the audience (well, me at least) think about future applicants to college. Without this source, I think that the story wouldn’t have such an impact. Bringing in Mr. Cotton makes people think about kids his age on down having this difficulty with applying to colleges, instead of just reading the article and not connecting it with future consequences.
Ashton Newman // March 10, 2008 at 2:55 pm
Finder’s piece uses a very simple and clean cut inverted pyramid format. The story entices the reader with quotes from many different sources. His quotes from graduating seniors give the story an emotional appeal and allow the readers to understand the perspectives of the affected age group. Finder also quotes many university officials who present the pros and cons of the issue. The article captures the audience with a strong and appealing lede and then ends the story with a similar kicker that opens the story back up. Finder did a good job of writing an enticing but yet clear and simple story that presents all angles of the issue.
Sarah Raaii // March 11, 2008 at 2:02 am
Frankly, I was surprised that Finder did not choose a soft lead for this story, especially since he focuses so much on people and their emotions. Nonetheless, the hard lead and nutgraf work well in this instance, and Finder’s transitions are so seamless that they are hard to notice while reading.
The grafs are clean-cut units that stand well on their own, separating different topics from one another. For example, we meet Charlie Cotton, who eases the transition into the next graf of the demographic breakdown.
Finder’s language is relatively simple and easy to understand, which is a great technique for a larger-scope topic like the one his article tackles. Considering this is a New York Times article, Frinder does a good job of avoiding esoteric language, which not only makes the information more accessible, but also helps his story flow well. His transitions reflect that overall simplicity (e.g. “but,” “yet,” “back in…”), and they are much more effective and natural.
I really enjoyed this piece because I feel like I gained an understanding of the topic after just reading one article. In the end, that is one of the most important standards a piece must meet.